I haven’t been writing like I feel like I should. I haven’t been doing anything like I should. Just about everything is numbing or washes over me. I actively avoid and distract myself from thinking about my mother—selfishly. The process of her death was so efficient and swift that I haven’t allowed myself to stop and think about it. It’s past hurt; it’s an indescribable feeling of emptiness. I don’t want my mother’s death to be real but everything I do makes it real. Waking up, getting out of bed, going to work—especially talking to older black women who come into my job, is a reminder of her.
Oh man I used to cry a lot as a child thinking my mom was going to die or my grandmother after I had found my great uncle overdosed in his bedroom with my mother on her birthday, seeing him get taken out of the house by the ambulance people covered with a white sheet on a stretcher was the most surreal thing it was very strange to me I didn’t really fully feel it until later in the day when I was sleeping over at my friends house in the middle of the night I just broke down in tears. You can’t ever take away the pain fully but just think of what your mother would want you to feel she would want you to be happy and I like to think we meet them again when we pass I believe in second lives and many more than just two but that is my personal belief so I don’t know what you feel or think but I hope you read this and I hope that it makes you feel a bit better if possible (: have a wonderful day or night
Oh man I used to cry a lot as a child thinking my mom was going to die or my grandmother after I had found my great uncle overdosed in his bedroom with my mother on her birthday, seeing him get taken out of the house by the ambulance people covered with a white sheet on a stretcher was the most surreal thing it was very strange to me I didn’t really fully feel it until later in the day when I was sleeping over at my friends house in the middle of the night I just broke down in tears. You can’t ever take away the pain fully but just think of what your mother would want you to feel she would want you to be happy and I like to think we meet them again when we pass I believe in second lives and many more than just two but that is my personal belief so I don’t know what you feel or think but I hope you read this and I hope that it makes you feel a bit better if possible (: have a wonderful day or night