“I Was Depressed Until I Made This Album” by Kembe X (Album Review)
The past 5 years have been a struggle for me. I’ve gone through tumultuous times emotionally and spiritually. After taking inventory of my mental state, I decided to make changes that would help alleviate the self-loathing that manifested during this time. Unable to feel satisfied by the art I created, I started to look for inspiration from other black creatives possibly going through the same thing. Works like Kendrick’s “DAMN” and IDK’s “Is He Real” perfectly voiced topics and themes that I identified with as a depressed black creative. One day, as I’m scrolling through Twitter; I come across a promotional video for Kembe X’s album, “I Was Depressed Until I Made This”.
The video was humorous in that it featured a confident Kembe prepping his friends for the listening session and telling them “its the next big thing”. His friends disagreed. Brutally reviewing the songs, saying he sounds “dumb”. The video, being a parody of the real-life marketing phenomena of releasing snippets of your work and your team reacting hype to it was genius in the fact that it showed the pressures of being an artist. When you put your heart into a project and it’s received negatively, it becomes a large weight on the artist. Some feel they can never truly be their vulnerable selves and continue to put out art that’s positively reviewed but is not a true reflection of the artist. But as a Hip Hop artist, “keeping it real” is an unwritten rule and a rapper’s team (aside from the Label) is usually the end-all, be-all, in regards to the album sounding right and it being a good representation for the artist. A good team can make or break an artist.
After a few days of promotion, the album was released. “I Was Depressed” is a peek behind the curtain. Depression isn’t so much a theme but a characteristic of the album itself. Appropriately downbeat, it’s a meditative journey through Kembe’s life. The intro has him crooning over a drumless track about the melancholy aftermath of a relationship. What follows are scenes from what seems like Kembe’s weekend. Depression isn’t something he allows to hold him down or even define him. “I have Depression. Depression doesn’t have me.” is very much the mentality. The track “LFTFF” is a dreamy narrative depicting what it takes for Kembe to get out of bed, avoiding pitfalls and communicating with his peers. It ends with Kembe content and ready for his ascension.
A letter of recognition is the theme of “Body Language”. Seemingly talking to a younger version of himself; Kembe addresses the boy he was and the characteristics that turned him into the man he is today. Incredibly reflective and relatable; Kembe lets the boy know his struggles are visible via his body language. A type of telepathy is developed during communal depression. The feeling of being depressed, helpless and unable to find value in talking about it due to feeling like “woe is me” and discrediting others’ struggles. This song is a simple reminder that you’re not alone and yes, it hurts. “You don’t have to say anything, I feel it too.” croons Zacarai.
The albums uptempo single, “Scoreboard” has Kembe sounding like payday. Confident and belligerent, Kembe raps about his status in the industry, house party antics and love for women. Using different tones and inflections, Kembe also exercises his vocal tones to represent the different voices in his head; he does this throughout the album. The track serves as the feeling one gets when a friend takes them out after being inside depressed for a week. Or more importantly, it represents one getting out of their funk and being about their business.
“Voices” addresses mental issues. Kembe describes his early life, saying teachers called him “mentally retarded” because he would speak his mind, saying he had very few friends, was socially awkward and the family issues involving his uncles with drug abuse. He explains he learned to be his best friend and how he calmed himself down in times of hardship and imbalance. It wonderfully paints the story of a lost, depressed, black creative navigating what it means to be happy and successful. Constantly paranoid, Kembe documents what it means to be diagnosed with a “mental illness” and what that means to someone when they apply that to their life. Especially in the Black Community where mental illness isn’t taken seriously most times. The song is a story about pursuing upward in spite of the pain. It’s accepting yourself, faults and all, and making a productive future from that. My favorite song, and in my opinion, the epitome of the album, is “Commas”.
Kembe is stuck. Between his want for fame, spiritual healing, mental stability, and community love. Kembe flows effortlessly over a jazzy boom-bap instrumental, illustrating his life and thoughts on it. Relationships, confidence in his art and lost friends. Kembe is tired and it’s getting to him. He shines a light on young black men dealing with stress and compartmentalizing it; often to their demise. He also notes his growth; becoming quite the efficient artist in his craft and mending a relationship with his ex. The mood isn’t sad but contemplative. Kembe is using this song as a type of therapy, to get everything off of his chest; a microcosm of the album. And the album ends in such fashion. Not having a specific “narrative”, the last track, “Still Calling” sounds like a bonus track, in that it’s a braggadocious anthem you rap drunkenly in the club with your boys. The song that plays before, “Spotlight” sounds like a proper “happy ending” for Kembe. Sounding almost like a glance into the future, Kembe describes a lavish life he’s living with his girl and relishing in the success he’s accumulated. Although stating he’s not here for the “spotlight”, Kembe has seemingly made an impression on not just me but many new listeners across the world.
I’m happy to have not only found this artist but listen to his album. It has helped me as I deal with my problems and it’s always nice to be reminded that not only are you not alone but it’s not the end of the world.